my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
