do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
