so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
