haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize