Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
