i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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