Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
