Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize