if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
