What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
