You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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