I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize