Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
