Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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