before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
