I've blown a few things in my day
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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