She said her name was "party"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
