I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
