Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
