OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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