She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
