after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
