thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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