my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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