whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
