I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i drank out of a bidet.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
