I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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