The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize