OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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