My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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