I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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