Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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