This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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