Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
