yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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