I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
