Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize