Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
