I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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