There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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