If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
