im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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