My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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