The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What a dumb baby whore.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
