I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize