Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
