My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
