Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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