I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
