ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
