So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
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