Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
