ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just cropdusted the office
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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