I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
