woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
