i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize