oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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