i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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