I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
