True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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