I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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