i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize