So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
