I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
