shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
