vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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