Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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