I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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