i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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