Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
