I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
