We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
