I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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