at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
