3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
