He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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