i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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