Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I supernannyed him into submission
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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