The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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