i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
love makes seman taste better
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
