Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
