the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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