HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
