I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
