it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
