I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
