Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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