Dude my mom stole all your condoms
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She said her name was "party"
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
