some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
