It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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