What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
