just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
