New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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