Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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