Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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