I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
