i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
