so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
