If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
