Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
