At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
